Dear Editor

A poem...pieced together from actual emails I have gotten in my time as an editor here at PDX Magazine.

Dear Editor

“The existence of you…”
“…seems to be fictional”

“You’re named after something that has nothing to do with you. And your…”
“breadth and depth is surprising for something so small.”

“While both are correct spellings, your use is inconsistent”
“And I find it ridiculous that you got it wrong in two different ways”

“Your magazine is GREAT! Especially in regard …”
to the people you use on a daily basis.”

“You are both refreshing and welcome…
…out there in the trenches.”

“I admire your advocacy,
…ignored emails and lack of integrity

“Thank so much for sharing…
…your vapid, uninteresting life.”

“Cheers to you, for your consistent, reliable voice.”
“You sure sound like a whiny California transplant.”

“Thanks for telling me about…”
“Molly Maguire’s. It burned down several years ago.”
“You make me feel RIGHT at home in my new home!!!

“I was very amused by…”
“the careless and clumsy homophobia in last month’s article “On the Rocks.’”

“Horror! Shame on you!”
“And well, thanks. Today's everlasting hangover was worth it.

“If you want the whole story you should talk to me, because I…”
“hang out with men who consider ‘Nancy Boy’ an insult.”

“We are a admirable group that has been around longer than you’ve been alive…”
…helping to make life miserable for people like you who steal my creative services.”

“I emailed you last week and you wouldn't answer me....... booooooooo,
hissssssssss.”
“So, I am emailing you one more time to please tell me if that hottie I met last night is single? He has the best TOOSH in Portland…”
“And your attempts to edit out such obviousness are misleading and just plain wrong. Boo on you.”

“Once again, thank you for your…”
“disappointing coverage and remarkable disregard for the environment.”

“I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope…”
“you suffer as much embarrassment and inconvenience as I feel you deserve.”

Sincerely,

You readership.

P.S. The hearing is scheduled for August 25th at 1:30pm